Bennett's Long Week

Well, I’m sitting in a hotel in Johannesburg, South Africa wanting to share about these last few days. As some of you know, we were airlifted out of Lusaka on Sunday night with Bennett who had been experiencing severe stomach cramping/nausea/dehydration for several days. We had been in and out of the clinic/hospital in Lusaka with Bennett since last Tuesday (with no improvement) and unfortunately reached the limit of care we could receive in Lusaka.

On Sunday afternoon, the Lusaka hospital was getting ready to discharge us when we were unexpectedly visited by a brand new friend, Abdi, a U.S. Somali physician whose last home prior to Lusaka was in Edina, just a couple miles from us. (For those of you from Minnesota, Abdi was the only Somali physician in the upper Midwest and played a huge role, in partnership with Park Nicollet, in improving healthcare access for Minnesota’s Somali population. He now works for the Gates Foundation here in Zambia.) Abdi examined Bennett and felt that he needed more care than we could get in Zambia. It wasn’t, he felt, a life threatening emergency, but it could turn into one so let’s get him out.

This set off a series of events that still seems a bit surreal. Our insurance provides for medical evacuation with physician approval, so, 5 hours after we made the call, we were picked up by ambulance, transported to an empty Lusaka international airport (it was 9:30 p.m.) where we were driven out onto the tarmac to await a jet ambulance from J’burg. (1 year ago I had stood on that same tarmac with 12 guys from Minnesota to catch a chartered flight to the Congo…This was all before we even had a clue we would be moving to Lusaka. So, a year later to be there with Molly and Bennett under the circumstances was a powerful reminder, at many levels, that we don’t know what next year, or tomorrow, or the next hour will bring.)

The jet arrived with both a paramedic and a Doctor -- two remarkable people that immediately raised Bennett’s level of care sitting on the tarmac. We had to wait an hour for the fuel guy to be woken up at his home and transported to the airport to refuel the jet…another unnecessary reminder that we are living in the developing world.

The jet took off and because we were denied airspace by the government of Zimbabwean dictator Robert Mugawbe (a medical mercy flight was a problem?) we took a detour over Botswana and down to S. Africa. We were met by another ambulance, quickly processed through customs and taken to one of the nicest hospitals I have ever been to where we arrived at 2:30 a.m.

So, the good news as I write on Tuesday afternoon is that Bennett is o.k. (and getting better) and several of the worst case scenarios that it could have been are not what we are dealing with…It appears instead that he has a severe case of viral gastrointitas (really bad stomach ache/bloating/cramps/distended bowels etc.) that, interestingly he could have picked up as easily in Des Moines as in Lusaka. (We also discovered in the x-rays done here that he is on the tail end of viral pneumonia which may have contributed to his body’s lack of resistance to this g.i. bug.) As of right now, he is doing better, but still is in severe pain when his stomach starts cramping. The doctors and nurses here have been wonderful and, it is still hard for me to believe that we are just 1.5 hours from Lusaka.

Here are several raw reflections from this event that are as much for me as they are for you…

- Seeing your kid suffer and not knowing what is wrong is about the worst thing in the world to deal with.

- I have rarely felt so grateful and, at the same time, so humbled/saddened as I was when the jet arrived to take us to J’burg. Grateful obviously for the fact that we could get our baby out and humbled by /saddened for the hundreds/thousands? of parents in Lusaka who at the very same moment were sitting up with their sick kid without even a chance to go the hospital we had been in, much less airlifted to first world medical care. I felt and feel like the privileged, spoiled westerner that I am.

- Community is everything. The support we have felt (and feel) both from home and from new friends in Lusaka has been life-giving and we have felt your prayers.

- The honeymoon of living in Zambia is officially over.

- I’m grateful to see the healthcare/SOS insurance system work. If there ever is a real emergency we now know who to call and how the process works etc. That feels good.

- Blessing in disguise - Through the excellent pediatric care that Bennett has received here, we discovered, and can now deal with, some sinus/allergy issues that would have gone undetected and unmanaged in Lusaka

- Molly is an amazing Wife and Mom and I have seen this in new ways this last week. To deal with something like this in the context we are in and only cuss a few times (and only once at me) is remarkable. Seriously, I have yet another level of respect for her…

- Katie Mooty has blessed our family in so many ways in her 3 months with us in Lusaka. Staying with the girls while we are in South Africa with Bennett wasn’t really a part of the plan for her last week with us. She has been incredible at loving all of us so well and taking care of things while we are gone. It is a perfect picture of who she is—total servant.

- As a friend here said, “Africa has a unique way of kicking your butt…” However one of the hard/best things about living in the developing world is that you “get to” use muscles that you did not know you have…with that comes new found strength that you did not know you could have. (Reminded of the verse in James about "persevering under trials...")

- As we’ve missed Minnesota these last 48 hours we’ve realized that this time in Africa is really like a fast. Just like a fast from food is intended to focus/purify us, so is this time here. Not always easy, but a very good thing to do…

Pray for us as we are still in the midst. Bennett is still not doing great, but seems to be rapidly improving. It looks like I am going to be able to go back on Thursday and we don’t yet know about Molly and Bennett. (I am going back to some of my busiest days here yet -immediately hosting 14 visitors from the U.S., a film crew, and a dinner with the Zambian First Lady Thursday evening.) Pray for the girls who are out of school this week and for Katie who is caring for them (and has been amazing.) They are right now at a friends for a barbeque celebrating Zambia Independence day (e.g. 4th of July) Finally, this event has happened at the 3 month mark of our arrival which, we are told, can typically be a time of really questioning your new context/missing home etc. Really? Pray that we can honestly process this event without going overboard so to speak.

p.s. Between writing this and posting it online, I reviewed our annual report summary of the project that I am privileged to be a part of…In the last 12 months we provided support to 200,363 orphans and vulnerable children across Zambia and home based care to 42,652 people living with AIDS and/or orphans. God knows I needed to see that right now to be reminded of why, in part, we are here. Be encouraged, as I am.

Victoria Falls, Chicken Pox & Spring in October

Well, here we are. It’s mid-October and the leaves aren’t turning golden, they’re flowering! It’s spring. It’s so different here, so good but there’s much to miss about home. We straddle the emotions of gratitude and overwhelm at the goodness of what we have here and the sadness of missing life there. Know that you are not forgotten!

I am actually home this week with Clara and Bennett having mild chicken pox. They were both vaccinated, but have gotten them anyway. They are fine, a bit itchy, but really just psyched to be home from school playing together. We’re doing a bit of school each day, keeping the math facts fresh, but mostly just having fun (i.e. our table is covered with art supplies, dress up stuff is on, etc.!)

Mackenzie is knee deep in all that it means to be in your last year of grade school academically. She is in the process of finishing the typing of a (long) short story that she’s written about a family during the Holocaust (she LOVES historical fiction), doing research for her end-of-the-year project, practicing math facts, keyboarding and reading for her book club! She’s so diligent about coming home and getting a snack and jumping into it. She participated in her first swim meet last week also and had a blast.

I am feeling connected to other moms here in some really neat ways. I love the kids’ school, it is very parent-friendly. Have really enjoyed being in the girls’ classrooms. I am a part of a small group of women gathering weekly for meaningful conversation and a Bible study. Have some gals I feel I can call (like if I think my kids have chicken pox!) We have a couple of neighbors (families) who are great that we have spent time with. Thankful for all these connection points—I didn’t expect to have them already at this point.

We just got back from a weekend away in Livingstone, home of Victoria Falls. (You can see some pictures on our photo page.) We had a great time getting away, “camping”—in safari tents, seeing the Falls (albeit they were low because it is the end of the dry season.), watching bungee jumpers, taking a river cruise at sunset, etc. The lodge we stayed at was rich with monkeys, which I’ve always thought of as really cute, but they thought Bennett was really cute, too, and went after him a few times! Seriously. Also, Bennett swam on his own this weekend. It was so exciting, just like all those milestones—he did it. And then there was no stopping him. He swam all afternoon, back and forth across the pool. Very fun.

I felt like I really needed a break from all that goes into our life here in Lusaka…I was tired of dealing with the realities here. I had a boy come to my car window for food as I went into the grocery store on Friday before we left and I almost screamed. I just wanted everyone I saw to be fed and have shoes on and SEEM FINE. The very thing that can drive me (and most of us) nuts about life in the States—everyone looks and acts like they have it all together—is what I was longing for. It’s easier to stay in my own little cocoon that way. There was something nice about getting in the car and seeing it all through the windows as we drove out of town. I felt like an outsider and I needed the space. Is that terrible? It’s honest…

My friend, Michele Steinke, asked me some poignant questions in an email that I think I’ll answer here (with her permission):

You talked about George and Dorothy being so much part of your daily lives- but how radically different their lives are. I can imagine how - but do you get a sense of what they think about rich - I'm assuming mainly white - foreigners coming in for a year or two - doing what you're all doing, and then leaving? It seems there's not tons of Americans - but do you have a sense of what Zambians or G & D are thinking about America? Is it the Promised Land? Do they think we help the world? And are your ideas changing at all?

I asked Dorothy (our maid) a few weeks ago in a really honest, vulnerable conversation if she resented us, if there is any part of her that is angry that we have what we do and she doesn’t and she is IN OUR HOME everyday. She said no. She is so thankful for her job and the setting that it is in. As I am home this week Dorothy is not here (because she hasn’t had the pox) and I am doing the housework. George smiles at me as I am hauling laundry, sweeping the patio, etc. When I told him I haven’t ever had house help before he didn’t believe me. I think there is some level where all they have ever known of white people is what we are—wealthy and only here for awhile. And, with George and Dorothy, there is a STRONG spiritual connection. There is a sense of being a part of the Body of Christ with them—an equality that way which is cool (and maybe different from some of their other experiences.) As far as what other Zambians think, I don’t really know. Most of the Zambians I have intersected with are amazing “Mother Theresa” types who aren’t hung up on who’s here and why and what their motives are. But, I’ll tell you that I am troubled by “us”—mostly white people, coming in for a stint and living. It is hard for me, all the big landcruisers and trucks (including ours) with USAID or DFID (British gov’t aid arm) or BAPTIST MISSION or whatever on them. And most Zambians walking everywhere. It can feel like all the things that are comfortable here (coffee shops, swimming pools, a nice private school) are just here for people like us, and not for most Zambians…it’s confusing…

I know part of Jeff's thing had been to have his family live and be part of the world that has (I forget what percent) but the lower percent of the world - is it what you guys thought the experience would be (so far?) It's still so early on - but any initial thoughts of “this is exactly what I thought it would be like?” or not?

Both, would be my answer. I knew it would be hard to see poverty so up close, day in and day out. I didn’t expect the “can’t it just go away” feelings. It’s also so DYNAMIC. Just when I think I have something sort of “figured out”, it changes. For example, there is this boy who was on the corner by our neighborhood grocery store (again, don’t picture Lund’s or Jerry’s) who I was really getting to know. I had spent quite a bit of time with him. Had been to his house in his compound. Etc. We were out for ice cream with Clara about a month ago and he found us and asked us about going to this other school and if we could pay for it. I knew he hadn’t been going to the school he was supposed to be at.... We had a long talk with him about needing to show us that he would be in school, even though he didn’t like that school and if after a month he had been going, was doing his homework, etc. we could talk about paying for him to go the school he wanted to go to. Haven’t seen him since that night. We were talking to some friends of his just before we left for Victoria Falls and they told me that he is living in an orphanage on the other side of town now. I couldn’t understand the dynamics with his grandmother (his parents have both died). He’s just gone now. (As a side note, which isn’t really a side note: the boys we were talking to all live with their grandmother, too, and would rather be in an orphanage because “at least there you get food every day.”) So, it’s just not ever the same. Some days Dorothy is super cheerful and light-hearted, other days she is desperate about her brother (who is still sick) or other unbelieveable family circumstances. I guess this is how we all are. The chapters of our life are being written and we don’t know what comes next. I just think it’s easier at home (in the States) to THINK you know what tomorrow brings and the likelihood of it happening is greater. I have been amazed by our kids’ response to the poor. Their comfort level with being in a compound, being in a rural village, talking to street kids, etc. has been an example to me.

I know you were looking for a church... when you're in the total midst of serving God - when poor Zambians are in your home and you're able to help a brother or sister with a doctor or give a job to someone... does it make the idea of going to church less relevant because you're seeing God at work so clearly? Does having a faith community matter as much in that setting because maybe you don't need to process where God is in your life as much? I'm just wondering how far normal goes over there because sometimes I feel we spend so much time trying to figure out God's will for us rather than just following Jesus - and maybe we're trying to figure it out as a stalling device to not really do what he wants us to do?

What a GREAT question… Michele wrote me these questions over a month ago and I think I would’ve answered this one differently then…WE MISS OUR CHURCH HOME! So, yes, it does matter to have a faith community. It has been good for us to feel that. As for the other part of her question, her comment, about trying to figure GOD out, instead of DOING it—being kingdom people, feels like the absolute bullseye. That is what the church needs to be about. That is why our church community at home has been so significant for us. If church isn’t motivating us to BE SALT AND LIGHT than we’re just getting fat on theology. I read this Scripture this weekend while we were away and have been chewing on it for a few days…

“In a word, what I’m saying is, Grow Up. You’re kingdom subjects. Now live like it. Live out your God-created identity. Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you.”
~Jesus, Matthew 5:48, The Message

So…here we go…to quote my friend, Kurt Vickman, “we’re just trying to find our way in Jesus…” Thankful for the opportunity for this new context, it is very clarifying. Gotta go, rest time is WAY over and motherhood calls…